Saturday, February 14, 2009


I've got two things I really want to talk about, but I am taking my time. Therefore, don't expect anything especially deep from this site anytime soon. Of course, by "deep" I mean teen-angsty.

Life here continues. I'm still working on getting my debts paid off, but I feel bad because I am one of those Americans cutting back on spending when what the economy really needs is spending. Therefore, I am also making an effort to spend on frivolous things and entertainment.

I went to another UU church a couple of weeks ago. It was okay, but I don't think I will be back. Why I suppose I'm pretty liberal, I'm not that liberal. Hahaha.

The change in weather has allowed my to run a couple of times. Additionally, I played Wii Fit at my parent's house. It said I was 33. I was very much hurt considering I am 22. Boo that.

I'll be away for a couple of weeks on business raking in the Hhonors points (and working). I may get to go hiking though I don't really want to do it alone. I have not been hiking in about 10 years (except for "hiking" I've done abroad) but I asuume I still love it. Chances are I will end up driving around taking pictures and exploring some of the small towns instead.

I don't know why I am being cryptic about where I am going. This blog is not really that anonymous anymore.

Anyhow, the world keeps spinning. I keep growing (however painful it is). Goals keep getting set and met. And the quest to love continues.

I hope life is good for you.

Saturday, February 7, 2009


Every now and then I get a crazy idea. After a conversation with a friend earlier this week I briefly considered becoming a vegetarian. Then I remembered that lunch meat and Chick-Fil-A compose approximately 60% of my diet. Oh well. Maybe I will strive for vegetarian Tuesdays or something.

A few weeks ago I thought I should train for a half-marathon. After getting up fairly early (for a Saturday) and nearly killing myself on a pathetically short run, I realized the insanity of this idea. I've also been trying to cut out carbs. Unfortunately my love of waffle fries and Sunkist thwarts me.

What's a boy to do?

Well, I actually am not going hide behind excuses. I am going to start exercising more and eating healthier. I am not going to buy into the either-or fallacy. Either I become a vegetarian or I am unhealthy. Either I run a marathon or sit on my butt getting fat. A move towards moderation is in order.

In other news, I was supposed to post a video of the image stabilization feature in the new iMovie 09. Sadly, my video clip was too wobbly! It could not be stabilized. I will say the new iMovie is VASTLY improved. It's a lot more intuitive.

Have an amazing weekend.

Oh, and go see Coraline in 3D. It's fantastic.

Thursday, February 5, 2009


I was going to take the time to make an announcement about another hiatus. Then I realized that I have an audience of approximately 5, so that would just be silly. Also, I am not really going on another hiatus. I'm simply reducing the volume of my posting.

This weekend I am going to join a gym. After having my old pastor's wife complement my appearance and then add "you look live you've been feeding yourself well" in addition to not being to wear a tie due to the fact my neck has outgrown my dress shirts, I have got to start working out. The situation will become increasingly dire if I continue to ignore it.

Life here has been increasingly busy. This month I will be on the road quite a bit so I'm attempting to get my stuff in order before my departure.

That said, there are e-mails to respond to, letters to write, packages to send, errands to run, people to meet, clothes to buy, and many loose ends to wrap up before I leave.

Sunday, February 1, 2009


During a brief chat with a friend, I realized that I may be giving the wrong impression about how I got to where I am, and what exactly I believe. In this conversation my friend stated that he didn't know why by beliefs seemed to falter, to paraphrase, he could only see that I had become fed up with how other Christians acted. This, I know, is not an adequate reason for me to have a change in faith.

So here goes:

Reconciling Christianity and homosexuality became a major issue for me last spring. I could not stop reading about it. I read all sorts of books both Side A and Side B. I found the former quite wacky and the latter unsatisfying as well. I knew I must make a choice and that ultimately I could not find the answer in a book. For clarification, I do not think being attracted to guys is a sin and I do not think that sex within the context of committed, long-term relationships is immoral. Anyhow, what reading these books taught me is how little I knew about Christianity, church history, or the bible itself. It also opened up a whole new world of historical/critical analysis when it comes to the bible.

From this I started exploring my faith. Websites, books, DVD's, and the bible itself served as guides. I began really, really investigating. I had so many questions and doubts that had to be addressed. Never did I think I would move from my moderate faith to being somewhat godless.

Until last year I was ignorant. Absolutely ignorant. I didn't even know what words like eschatology, apologetics, Arminianism, or Calvinism meant. While my faith before had been about serving God I suppose I had always shied away from getting caught up in all the "religious" aspects of it. I was content with silently disagreeing or questioning without really pushing. For instance, I always had a problem with how the three major religions diverged after the OT. I was also a bit wary of some of the things in the New Testament like atonement. Also, I had a hard time feeling sadness for the crucifixion of Jesus if it was all God's divine plan anyway. However, I would suppress these doubts and work on other aspects of my faith, like loving more.

Unfortunately, I think after reading Religious Literacy, I could not stop trying to be religiously literate. I read and read (and am still reading). Figures like the early martyrs, Origen, Augustine, Calvin, Wesley, Luther, Paul, Josephus, and Tillich were all introduced to me. Before, I had a very light understanding of who these men and women were. In fact, I am still researching and reading the writings of many of them.

While I will admit the deterioration of my former faith was quicker than I had anticipated, the roads became closed off to me and there was no going back.

All this said, I by no means think that "I'm enlightened and loving, and people who adhere to doctrines are not" as it appears I may have presented myself.

What I am is seeking. I am a finite human trying to wrestle with big questions (like the meaning of life). Most of my friends are Christian, my family is Christian, the majority of my coworkers are Christian. I don't look down on them and judge them. Most people don't ever have any external force push them into critically evaluating their beliefs. Also, I don't think that they are all in bondage to religion and serving God solely to avoid eternal torment. That would be naive and arrogant.

That said, I must be vocal about things that are dead wrong. Calvinism and rapture "theology" are my two primary pet peeves. I suppose you can believe in Calvin's god, but to quote a friend, he is a monster. Any God that creates a being, against its will, and then banishes it to eternal hell is not loving. You can't give the cop-out answer of "we just don't understand" or the bullshit response of Eve eating a piece of fruit. These are intellectually and morally bankrupt. As far as the rapture, I don't know what's going to happen in the "end times", or after I die. I do know that Left Behind is NOT the way it will go down and there will not be some antichrist leading the nations.

Now, I absolutely hate it when people define themselves by what they don't like, don't believe, don't do, etc. I refuse to be one of those people. This means that my search will continue. While I may not find some new label, I do hope to find a faith I can share. Something that gives my life meaning, solves my existential crisis, and causes me to grow into a better, more mature, and more loving human being.

So, I am essentially starting from scratch. Moving from my inadequate theism, through this dark night of the soul, towards a destination currently unknown. I'm a ship that has left the harbor towards some distant port that may or may not exist. But it's all in the journey anyway, right?