Ironically, I am here today to make the same statement. However, it must be tweaked to say "god is dead" for the God I worshiped so long was an idol. He was an old man god, anthropomorphic, picking up fallen sparrows and doling out wrath and smitings.
As I continue on my "faith journey" (conservative Christian vocabulary) I am unsure of where I am going.
However, there are a few things I do believe. I believe in resurrection; new life from what was once a corpse. I have seen and felt it in my own life. I believe in casting off the things that have weighed us down. I believe in humility. I believe in charity. I believe in justice. I believe in mercy. I believe in grace. I believe that despite evidence to the contrary there is more to life than what we see. I believe in transcendence. Tomorrow offers hope. Tomorrow offers new life. With resurrection comes insurrection, a casting off of the old order and the building of something new and better.
As I have mentioned before, God and I have been wrestling it out, and I think I have emerged from the fight, limping and a bit disoriented, but understanding things I never did before.
I will not apply a label to what I am now: atheist, agnostic, deist, christian atheist, Christian, liberal Christian, liberal Quaker - I don't think any of these are fully applicable.
This has not been easy. I have always considered myself an intelligent person and have pursued understanding and knowledge with a passion. However, it appears I had neglected to apply this same trait to religion. I will not fault my parents for raising me in a conservative Christian home. They were doing what they thought was best. Growing up there was no "metaphorical" interpretation of biblical events. As a child I converted cubits to feet to see if a full-size brontosaurus would fit on the ark. God really led his people out of Egypt with a pillar of fire and a pillar of smoke. Jesus was coming and the rapture was real. A younger me would often fear Jesus would come before I had a chance to grow up and that I would not get to experience being an adult.
I have come a long way from the faith I had as a child, yet I don't know what or where I am going to end up. Atheists seem so arrogant and agnostics so Charlie Brownish in their convictions.
All I know is this:
"Lord, we ain't what we want to be; we ain't what we ought to be; we ain't what we gonna be, but, thank God, we ain't what we was."
2 comments:
Interesting post. Sounds like you've been going through a lot of changes recently, and as someone in a similar position I can totally understand this feeling of being on a "journey", sort of out of the old port, but not yet at any destination.
You should continue examining your beliefs and doing what you think is correct. One thing I would like to comment on is what you wrote in the second paragraph:
"the God I worshiped so long was an idol. He was an old man god, anthropomorphic, picking up fallen sparrows and doling out wrath and smitings."
You're correct. Such a god is an idol and is quite easy to reject outright. And hopefully you have, but you should and probably are aware that rejecting such a charicature is not the same as rejecting God. Which is to say that whether we believe in him or not, that is not how any major religion defines God, either now or three thousand years ago and
when you examine your faith and struggle with it, you should be struggling with the more thoughtful and intelligent beliefs and not the many misguided and idolatrous simplifications that believers claim is what their religion "says". This is true of all faiths.
Wherever your journey takes you, I wish you the best of luck. Hey, that's a Nickel Creek song!
Thanks for the comment!
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