Whenever we have dinner as a family, my mother has a horrible habit of apologizing for something in the meal she perceives as inadequate. "Sorry the green beans got cold so quickly", "Sorry the chicken is salty", "Sorry the rolls got a little burnt". It's a source of constant frustration for me (and my grandparents when they come to visit). She has NOTHING to apologize for. What she cooks is almost always tasty. Still, she can't help but criticize herself and it's so irritating.
Alarmingly, I found myself doing the exact same thing when I cooked dinner for my best friend not too long ago. I was overly apologetic over how quickly the noodles cooked and how the green beans did not turn out how I anticipated (I was trying to make Chinese restaurant style green beans). He told me not to apologize and said it was good, but I still didn't believe him.
In many things I'm hypercritical of myself. I beat myself up over things that happened a long, long time ago. Nearly all are petty and I'm quite certain that nobody even remembers half the things that "haunt" me. I don't know if it's guilt or shame or what.
I was going to try to connect this to some universal theme, but I'm at a loss. I guess I can say "old habits die hard" or something. I just don't know.
I will say it made me think about how many of our habits we inherit from our family. For example, growing up we were allowed to have 3 cereals open at a time. 1 of 3 was always Rice Krispies or some other cereal my mother enjoyed. The other two were generally something that my brother or I liked. Usually I would have one box of cereal open at a time. I would consume it, then move onto another box. When I moved into my first apartment I was taken aback by the fact that my roommate had 2, 3, or even 4 boxes of cereal open at one time. It was obscene! It was against the rules of my childhood! I ended up tossing several boxes he left in the cabinet for long periods of time (apparently he lost interest in them). When I questioned him about his bizarre practice of having more than one box of cereal open at a time he explained that he likes variety and doesn't want to eat the same cereal for breakfast everyday. While this is a valid response, I still dislike the practice of having more than one box open. The tradition of my youth persists.
I have no decent conclusion for this post. Enjoy nevertheless.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Places I Go
- (Not So) Straight from Seminary
- Adventures of a Christian Collegian
- Afterthoughts
- Christian, Gay, and Confused
- Common Sense Atheism
- davidinman(.net)
- Exploring Our Matrix
- Fora
- Independent Gay Forum
- Je Me Souviens
- NY Times
- Operation Broken Silence
- Pomoprophet
- Positive Liberty
- Raw Rach
- Salon
- Slacktivist
- Someecards
Powered by Blogger.
3 comments:
No boxes of cereal for you!!! ;)
I thought that was funny. I know what you mean though. My mom's a bit like that too. She cleans the house nonstop. It could look like some professional maid has cleaned it up (and it has looked like that before) and she would still think it was dirty somehow. Really gets on my nerves sometimes. It's like there's no end to it. But, I'll admit, I can be the same way sometimes about other things. Nothing to beat yourself up over though. You're still loved. Even if one too many boxes of cereal gets opened sometime. :)
it's a very scary day when you realize just how much you are like your mother. terrifying.
i know what you mean about the cereal, though. :)
Nice use of the word petty. I'm glad that even though I stockpiled cereal in the apartment, I only had one box open at a time. I wouldn't have wanted to see you irritated all the time.
Post a Comment