Death/Life

A coworker of mine who just passed away had had two near death experiences. I was thinking about that recently as I reflected on him and the interaction we had when I used to work with him. He told me that they reminded him to focus on things that "really matter". Oddly enough, I came across this NYT blog today.

This struck me:

"I don’t know why we take our worst moods so much more seriously than our best ones, crediting depression with more clarity than euphoria."

I am extremely guilty of this. When I'm especially giddy or happy I tend to think of myself as being flippant. I need to return to a morose state of being immediately. Being in the latter mood allows me to more realistically understand my life. Ha!

Diverging slightly from the above train of thought, I often feel I can't allow myself to be happy in light of the serious suffering going on in the world. I tell myself that once I pay my penance by giving to the poor and tutoring refugee children I can feel better about having so much.

I want to give freely. I want to love freely. I don't want to do good because I feel guilty. I want to give because I want to give. Still, I don't think I can really say obligation is ever completely factored out. I definitely feel a sense of obligation. Maybe it's a moral one. When I considered myself Christian I would have said it was a Christian obligation to act charitably, but now that I don't consider myself a Christian I am still compelled to charity. In fact, I'm compelled to live for a lot of things (kindness, truthfulness, justice). I hope to follow-up on some of these thoughts later. For now, it's time to get to bed.

On a random note, I finally decided to put up some photos. Many of you have already seen them, but for those who haven't, enjoy them while they last. Note: I think they are backwards and you should start from the last page (The "new" mosque should be first).