Being

I usually have 1000 things I want to blog about. I make lots of lists with topics, have several drafts saved, and am quite frankly a bit obsessive. Lately my focus has been on a few big posts. I want them to be well thought out and intelligent, but concise enough to maintain your interest. I may never finish.

My addiction to blogging began my freshman year of college. I was actually introduced to it by my brother. My first love was Xanga, and it served me well for four years.

In the meantime, I leave you with a few things that have been happening in my life. I am going out of town again for a bit, so I may have nothing new for awhile. It depends on the weekend.

Recent thoughts/happenings:

1. I am horrified by the fact that I now have to trim my nose hair. I know this is gross, but it's true. I thought this would not happen until I was 60! What is happening to me?
   
2. Although I rail against owning an animal, I am beginning to have an affection for dogs. I won't be getting one anytime soon, but maybe one day in the distant future. Maybe.
3. I am once again hopelessly confused about whether to buy or rent starting this spring. I guess it will depend on whether the economy collapses or not.
4. I have decided that unless something/someone more important comes along, I am going to go to graduate school in Scotland. My aim is 2011 or 2012. I know it's a ways off.
5. Lots of my friends are having babies (not all under the best circumstances) and it provides me an excuse to buy absolutely adorable clothes at The Children's Place and Baby Gap.
6. Life is pretty darn good, seriously.
   
7. Politics is making me passionate! I have actually donated money to a campaign and I cannot wait to vote. I am currently not registered with either party, but that may change.
8. I really, really, really want to take a weekend getaway (by myself). Unfortunately, I am being responsible and paying off my credit cards, so the trips will have to wait until I am out of the hole.
9. Last weekend I went to Six Flags. The lines were almost non-existent for the majority of the day. I rode the Mr. Freeze coaster twice in 10 minutes. It was awesome.
   
10. I am getting back in touch with my emotions.
11. Last Sunday I woke up and words were welling up inside me. I had to write. I grabbed a pen and the back of an envelope and wrote. I wish this would happen more often.
    

Yesterday I was searching my Gmail for a quote I had emailed myself and stumbled across this:

"The peace I feel is definitely accompanied with a little bit of trepidation and uncertainty of what the future holds. All (or most) of the plans I had for the future have changed, but it's ok. Life has to be uncertain or it would not be worth living. I know that my optimistic view and brief moment of perceived clarity will probably give way to a season of cynicism, but this too is natural. It's just being human."

I wrote this back in the spring, and I must say that I have definitely just come out of a season of cynicism. I am impressed by the perceptiveness of my past self.

Lately I have reverted to the self that blocks off emotion. I allowed fear, anger, and jealousy to take too great a hold. Thankfully that is over. May my misanthropic, jaded, cynical self stay away for awhile.

I don't wish that I could be, I am being.