I've been thinking about dating a lot lately. While it's been on my mind for awhile, it's come more to the forefront lately. I generally just run a lot of hypothetical scenarios in my mind about what dating would be like. In someways I think it's good I've not been in any serious relationships. I know I'm a lot more mature than I used to be and the relationships I have been in weren't based on a whole lot of honesty.
I had lunch with a friend a couple of weeks ago. He'd been wanting a girlfriend for quite some time and now that he is in college he finally got one. It was not everything he had hoped it would be and he missed being single. I'm sure this was a gradual realization, but nevertheless, one he had. A couple of days ago they broke up. That anecdote is somewhat irrelevant, but does support the old cliche "be careful what you wish for".
In another conversation with a different friend, we talked about a guy who I am interested in getting to know better. I am very, very quick to write guys off. However, this one had potential and I was/am making an effort to get to know him better. The thing is, he's leaving in a few months for up to a year. I seriously doubt we could get to know each other well enough before he leaves, but it could still be worth a shot. My friend said something to the effect of well, "maybe you'll get some making out out of it". While I should not have been shocked considering the source (this friend and I seem to inhabit different realities) I was still taken aback. Would anyone really date for the sole purpose of making out a few times?
These two conversations in conjunction with several others made me start to ponder what I think about love and relationships. On my worst days I think love is an illusion and that people who say they are in love are caught in a never ending delusion. On my best days I think it really is possible to love someone til' death do you part.
I've been criticized for not dating enough. "You're not picking out china, just getting coffee", I've heard on several occasions when I vocalize my hesitancy to date. The thing is that I have plenty of people to have coffee with and have never really subscribed to the idea of dating to find someone. It's been my experience that friendships that turn into something more are the best. This does require me to have more gay friends, but I just don't like gay guys all that much. The majority of the ones I know I don't have a lot in common with.
The idea of being with your best friend appeals to me. A lot of my friends say "I'm marrying my best friend" but it makes me wonder what happened to the old best friends? I know I've been hurt by people close to me that have cut me out of their lives when they met "Mr. Right" or "Ms. Right". I refuse to do that to my friends.
The love I'm looking for has to exist. It's not caught up in false romantic notions that can't last (though I do like a little romance, hypothetically), nor is it all about the physical relationship (though physical attraction is a component). I suppose what I'm looking for is someone to merge narratives with. Someone to "do life" with. We will love deeply and hopefully bring out the best in each other. I want to be challenged to be fully alive and I want someone I can challenge to become a better person.
Maybe I'm hoping for too much, maybe not.
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3 comments:
I agree with your statement about most gay guys . . . but maybe think of it in another way? if--like me--you don't seem to get along with most of them, won't that make it easier to find the right guy when he does come along?
I think you'll find that the perfect man doesn't exist. But the perfect man "for you" does. It's wierd how relationships form. Mine was a bump into each other at the bookstore situation, but it can happen anywhere. One of the truths that I've come to realize is that a relationship works best if you have compatible differences. For example, where I'm too relaxed, he's high strung. Where I procrastinate, he gets it done immediately. An in this way we are meant for each other.
Never give up your search, he's out there. Where you least expect him.
Brian - I think you have a valid point. So optimistic. Haha.
Marquez - Nice to hear from you. Bumping into someone at the bookstore sounds awesome. I was actually at a really cool one tonight. Alas, I did not bump into anyone. I'll keep going though just in case. :)
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