Darn it, Jay

Okay, so as I was typing I got a call from my Mom. I don't usually ask for prayer, but please pray. My brother was robbed at knife-point tonight in a foreign country and lost his computer, phone, and several other things. Luckily he is unharmed. I am certain he is shaken.

Update: My brother is okay. We are working things out logistically and it's all going to be fine.
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Haha, I feel I am being forced out my recent respite by Jay's latest post.

I spoke with a friend recently about sin/temptation. She said that whenever she thinks she has beaten something (like drinking a little too much) and declares herself free of it, she ends up struggling with it. Why is that? I find it's so true in my own life. My main struggle is materialism, but I also deal with looking at things I shouldn't be looking at online and many other "sins".

I have been watching the Suze Orman show lately. FYI, she is AMAZING. I had the great privilege of meeting her and her partner in person and they are wonderful. Anyways, I was convicted. My income has nearly tripled since I started my new job, yet I find myself making little progress on curbing my spending habits or working to invest my time and money in the lives of others. I want and want and want. A weekend in Chicago, Thanksgiving in Mexico, Spring in Israel and Turkey. I spent hours obsessed about if I will have enough segments to gain elite status with the airline I fly with. I log into my Hilton account trying to gauge when I will have enough rewards points for a long weekend at the Waldorf-Astoria in NYC. I shop at the upscale supermarket with my canvas shopping bag (as if not using plastic is the most pressing issue on the planet) and spend 1.50 on one tomato. I am online looking at condos and houses EVERYDAY. I calculate and recalculate possible monthly payments, seeing where I can live and when I can upgrade. It's just more and more and more. This must stop.

However, this is not all I am. I want to volunteer in the community like I used to. I want to stop writing off the poor. I want to be a good friend and neighbor. I strive to love people, and not just the people that are easy to love. I want to know peoples' stories and work to improve their lives. I live in a city full of hate and poverty. There are churches here with wealth beyond your comprehension, with 150 foot cross flanked by two 120 foot ones. It is unbelievable. Yet people go hungry.

I have accidentally fallen in love with Jesus Christ. Yet, the more I know about him, the less I feel like a "Christian". Still, I can't help but think this crisis of faith does not really matter. I have a lot of questions and I am still skeptical of a lot of things...but I can't stand here idly, waiting to hash out my doctrinal beliefs before I get off my ass and start changing the world.

I have been given life and I don't know why. I am here on this Earth with a hell of a lot of questions and not nearly enough time to get satisfactory answers. Still, there is one thing I DO know. When I die I want it said that I left this place a little better than it was before I got here. Since I could die tomorrow, I better act fast. The status quo is no longer an option.