Weekend Approaches

I know the three day weekend is still a couple of days away, but I am terribly excited. I can't wait to take a day and make some time for myself. There are quite a few things I keep meaning to get done, and Friday I plan to do them!

I have decided that I am going to start alternating posts between serious and light-hearted. I suppose I am overly concerned about appearing morbid and severe in my posts.

I have been wondering lately what I want out of life. Apologies if what I write is a repeat of something from a previous post. I don't think it is. A few weeks ago I was shopping in an upscale grocery store in town. I meandered down the aisles with classical music in the background, and placed arugula and kumquats in my basket. Then it hit me! THIS is what I wanted! I clearly remembered a younger me, imagining the life I am currently living. I am living in a nice part of town, have a great job, am planning on going to lots of exotic places in the near future...yet, I don't feel like I have "arrived". My life is wonderful and I have more than I could ask for or deserve (well, I can always for more) but I don't feel like this is what life is supposed to be like. It's pleasant, but there must be more.

I often try to determine what I want out of life, but keep coming up empty. I suppose after spending so much time striving to attain a wife and kids, the vacuum left from that goal's disappearance has not been filled. The strange thing is, even if I were attracted to women, I don't know if I would be dating. When I really step back and look, I like where I am now. This will not suit me forever, but that's okay. I know I am still working things out and "it's all in the journey".

I cannot help but think that the society we live in is terribly damaging. It keeps reinforcing the idea that possessions, sex, status, a partner, kids, etc. are what life is about. It seems to me that people are working to fabricate happiness. I know I was in that boat for quite sometime. Madame Bovary is an excellent example of this (although she is fictitious). Also, I am so saddened by the way fear, anger, and selfishness rule peoples' lives.

I will work to hash these thoughts out further in a future post. It's weighing quite heavily on my mind.