First off, thank you for the concerns about my health. I may have been too melodramatic. I am 99% certain that it is just anxiety. "Chest pain" was definitely too grave a term to use. I am feeling better right now. I don't take potential heart issues lightly. If I feel it is a real illness I will definitely seek treatment.
My title today alludes to the album "Hope and Fear" by Keane. I recently rediscovered it. I forgot how much I love it.
A friend came into town today and we had dinner. She, my best friend, and I form a friendship triangle. Well, we used to. Sadly, one member of the triangle has been downgraded to "close friend" from "best friend". For awhile we were a powerful triad. Sadly, I am left with only one "best friend" at this point in time. However, friendships must evolve. I feel so scientific in my friend ranking, haha.
I don't quite know why I am so anxious. It's definitely related to my questioning of things. I look back and remember how strong my faith was and how tangible God felt. I still pray every night, and definitely don't deny the existence of God. I just have a bunch of questions. I know I can't look back to where I was for comfort. Living in the past is not an option. You can't be an Israelite lost in the desert crying for the days when you were a slave. How ignorant and short-sighted!
My change of heart with the Bible came from two places. First, I missed reading it. It had become a nightly ritual. Also, we went over Esther in my OT class, and it is absolutely one of my favorite stories of all time. If you can't appreciate a narrative like that, I sincerely question your taste in literature.
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