"You don't know joy until you experience it or you lose it"
The joy she was speaking of was in the context of relationships. She was expressing the difference between dating and having someone to call your own; sharing a life with someone til' death do you part. I obviously know nothing about the latter, but I definitely feel stable, long term relationships come with a lot of benefits. I will say I do know what love is, but I will save that for an award worthy post some day in the future...maybe.
I have been struggling with joy lately. It fades in and out, sometimes in the same day. It's not depression or melancholy, it's something different. I think it's really just a side effect of change. The past few months have seen significant changes in my future goals, faith, friendships, work, relationship with family, and more. It's left me shell-shocked. I have been jilted by my future dreams or maybe that's too passive. Maybe I did the jilting. I am still processing so much and striving to be patient. I am learning so much. I am listening more to myself than I ever did before.
I have been struggling with joy lately. It fades in and out, sometimes in the same day. It's not depression or melancholy, it's something different. I think it's really just a side effect of change. The past few months have seen significant changes in my future goals, faith, friendships, work, relationship with family, and more. It's left me shell-shocked. I have been jilted by my future dreams or maybe that's too passive. Maybe I did the jilting. I am still processing so much and striving to be patient. I am learning so much. I am listening more to myself than I ever did before.
Still, I am so torn by my desire to please people coupled with my desire to forge ahead building a life dedicated to my selfish desires. Both of these will lead to destruction and I am cognizant of that. I am fighting hard to change, to stand in defiance, to cast off fear, to overuse infinitives.
During this tempest (hyperbole), I have found joy elusive. Can I please get a Geiger counter for joy? I want to quantify the amount of joy in my life so I can ensure I am increasing it. Haha.
I suppose I am dealing with growing pains. It's natural. I know it will all work out. I suppose right now I must "keep on keeping" on.
Note: I am aware this post is a bit severe. It's just been sitting in "draft" for awhile and I thought it deserved to see the light of day.
1 comment:
Thanks for the welcome! My entrance into the blogosphere has been a long time coming.
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