Skipper

I am currently skipping church. I have been debating whether to find a new church or not, but I am going to stick with my current one through the summer. I really enjoy it. We are having a sermon about homosexuality later this fall, and this will help determine whether I stay*. I recently discovered that I do not agree with all the official church doctrine. I am convinced the part I disagree with was not in the doctrine when I joined, but I may just be forgetting. A part of me wants to be like the Dickinson poem "Some Keep the Sabbath..." but I guess I'm not cut out for it.

I am in a strange place with my faith. Last week I used the word Christian, but did not feel I was talking about myself. However, that's not necessarily a bad thing. I have grown disillusioned with many Christians, but I am not ready to abandon the church.

I went for a run/walk/sit and mediate this morning, and it was absolutely wonderful. While in the midst of this existential crisis coupled with a dark night of the soul, I have realized how to a certain extent it is absolutely absurd! No matter how much I exhaust myself with complex thoughts and pretty theology, I have no frackin' clue if I am right. There are things I know I can be doing that actually amount to something. I can love other people, I can free myself from being owned by my possessions, I can become a good steward of resources, I can bless others.

Things will work themselves out in the end. I guess I am just still caught between wanting to know all the answers and knowing that I can't have them.

I went to Georgia's apartment yesterday. We finally got a system hooked up that will allow her to record to VHS tapes. She is 85 so the leap to DVR might have been too great. I am rather impressed that she owns an LCD tv and DVD player. I had a chance to covertly scope out her library. It contained Whitman, Tillich, and O'Connor. I also found out she used to teach in a Masters program for Social Work and before that had a career with the Presbyterian church. We have also decided to start loaning each other DVDs. She is borrowing Pride and Prejudice and I am borrowing Sideways. She then joked that she could borrow my porn in the future. Hearing an 85 year old say "porn" cracked me up. FYI, I don't own any porn and have only accidentally viewed it. I will be honest and say that I did struggle with some soft-core "pornish" stuff, but that has diminished significantly since coming out. I suppose it was just the only outlet all of my repressed sexuality had. I don't know why I am telling you this. I guess to dispel the notion that all people attracted to the same sex are sex addicts...of course, you already knew this.

Well, I should really be getting on with my day. There is packing to be done and I need to run to Target. I hope you all have a fabulous week and I will post when I return from Florida.

Bonus points if you caught the Battlestar Galactica reference...although I am aware some of you reading this post don't appreciate its brilliance, haha.

* I don't mind if they say homosexual sex is a sin. I guess the Christian part of me is still working that out. I do find it hard to say that something I don't consider immoral is a sin, but do I have to believe that to be a Christian? This is rhetorical. My main concern is that their stance will be like that of another bible study I attended. The pastor said that God said "be fruitful, not fruity" and it was "Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve". I did not realize people would ever actually say such ignorant things. I have a hard time believing we even serve the same God. How can someone be so ignorant? Do they not realize how hard people (including myself) fought to change their orientation? How about a message of love and support? Why don't they say "let's have a conversation, tell me your story" instead of blasting hatred and disdain?