Warning, this post will be a little PG-13.
"I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!" - Mugatu
Do you ever have conversations that make you feel you are the only sane person on the planet? The other person's views are so opposite of yours that you find it hard to fathom you are actually having the conversation?
I was having a frank chat about sex with a friend the other day. I am a very modest person and don't really talk about sex or even joke about sex with people. I never say, even in a joking matter, that I want to "do things" to a guy or that I want to have sex with someone. I don't mind commenting on someone's attractiveness, but I don't ever make crude, vulgar, or even "off-color" statements. Maybe it's just my Puritan upbringing.
Anyhow, chastity is very important to me and I think it goes hand in hand with fidelity (which I also value STRONGLY). The friend I was talking to considers himself a virgin, which I found very strange. I believe that if you have been in a situation where you feared you might have contracted an STD, you have had sex. Yet, this person firmly believes that they are still a virgin. I am trying to avoid being blunt, but forget it. I consider oral sex, sex. I also don't think a "hand job" is just a "hand job" (quote from same friend). I was appalled! How can you be so cavalier about something so serious? When you share this kind of intimacy with someone you connect with them on a very deep level (scientifically and emotionally speaking). Your body physically makes a connection whether you think so or not. Casual sex does not exist (at least from the limited research I have seen). What I am saying is that many friends who try casual sex end up realizing it can't work. You usually end up developing an emotional connection too. I certainly know a lot of promiscuity exists. I just can't fathom sex without love. I also can't fathom someone's view of chastity being doing everything except having anal sex.
I know this is a rant, and maybe I am just old-fashioned and naive. However, I don't think so. I am not looking for any vulgar or inappropriate comments, but I would like to know if I am alone in these convictions. I know at least some of my fellow bloggers are on the same page, even if they are firm believers in sex being exclusively reserved for marriage between a guy and girl.
I don't know why I am asking for answers out here. I know perfectly well what my convictions are and they are not going to change. I don't look to others to define my own morality (a trait I find lacking in contemporary society). I will find someone who shares my convictions, period.
I just had to share. This post may be taken down once the modest part of myself decides to reread it. Once again, I apologize for the soap-box nature of this latest update.
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3 comments:
You're not alone in those convictions. Of course, I didn't exactly have them before I got "burned," I suppose. By many definitions, Hitch and I never had sex, but I'm pretty sure by your definition, we did.
And honestly, even though it wasn't "full-on" sexual activity, it was enough to create an emotional bond that I haven't really found a way to get over, and has made the break-up harder than it would have been if we had never stumbled (I wrote about that stumble in the post "Weak").
So you're right to have those convictions, and I hope you stick to them if you ever do start dating, because they can be hard to remember when you're actually in the situation. Praying for you, and take care. :)
-Jay
You know my opinion. Glad this is up again - or maybe it was all along and I just didn't see it. I need to collate my thoughts on sexual ethics someday, although I think I've mostly turned into John Corvino on that matter, from what I can tell.
I am a big John Corvino fan.
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