Stale End

I have a terrible habit of wasting too much time online. I am working to curb this with mild success. Facebook usage is down considerably and I am striving to reduce the amount of time I spend checking my e-mail and house hunting on the web.

I know I need to leave my church, but I don't want to. I don't know where else to go and I don't want to be without a meaningful religious community. Also, we have not even had a falling out. The sermon on homosexuality was surprisingly moderate with an emphasis on welcoming those in the "homosexual lifestyle". I am the one who changed. I must move on.

Change is hard. I don't like it. At church I serve on the welcome team and set up the tables for coffee twice a month. I enjoy it. Everyone at the church is friendly and a dozen of my friends are regular attendees. The teaching is solid for a church that believes in a literal Garden of Eden and whose OT training spoke of Saul speaking to a ghost and the sun standing still as actual events. (They also stated the destruction in Joshua was God treating sin like cancer. It must be eradicated before it spreads.)

I have to tell the Welcome Team coordinator that I am leaving, but I have not worked up the courage. It's like when I had to tell my piano teacher I was quitting lessons. A sense of dread and guilt built up inside.

A part of me thinks I should keep going. I would not have to lie to my parents or provide some excuse when they ask where I went to church when we meet up for Sunday lunch. I also could still see my friends and not have to face the challenge and uncertainty of finding new community.

However, this is silly. I can't sing the praise songs anymore. I can't get riled up about the evils of "moral relativism" and pluralism. I can't keep pretending I agree with their doctrine. I can't keep skipping every communion Sunday.

I know this is kind of negative, but I assure you I will be working to keep it upbeat in the future. Soon I shall start chronicling my adventures in church searching. Stay tuned.